Regret and the Lightworker

I've encountered this issue over and over again. My thoughts on it to be fear more than anything. I am in the process of releasing my fears regarding my abilities. I feel as though there's regret because sometimes I feel like I made the wrong decision to help people. Lightworkers decided before incarnation that they will help people and during life may experience amnesia about their purpose. I for one find that over the years it's like I've been regressing. I have been intentionally trying to stall or taking steps backwards because I fear the future and what I might have to do. To call it lazy is not correct and to say that I don't have any trust is also incorrect. I trust that I am headed where I should be even if I am a bit slow getting there though my doubts creep up sometimes because life puts you through many tests. It tests every ounce of your being to see if you can survive. When I think about it the tests come one after another like how life keeps giving you lemons. It's almost like you are in an accelerated class on life and you must go through all this stuff that many would go through in years. Initially I blamed the Creator, asking why I was put here. Then I blamed myself saying things like "I must have sinned greatly for you to put me here." I was in a terrible rut since I was directionless and also fearful. I'm beginning to open up to the idea that I don't always have it together and it's okay to allow some of that pressure go. I know I should trust in the Creator, but the human material side of me forces me to go a different direction. I guess materialism and all this reality pushes us on detours, but we'll eventually get to where we should. As a lightworker, I want to help people so bad, but I am given example after example of why I shouldn't. I think it's to test my faith. As you become more brilliant polar good, evil will naturally follow suit. I guess it's a spiritual gradient. They will go towards one another until one day there's equilibrium. I might be going off topic, but somehow I feel a tinge of regret in knowing that there must be sacrifices made. I don't mind for the most part; however, I still question still if it's right for me. You see being a human if it's not in front of you it's very hard to grasp what you should believe in.